Box of Evolution

the box of evolution
jump right in
the box of evolution
let the games begin

who had a tail before
could be you or me
the whale knows even more
and he's our extended family

some believe me not
this i know
it's easy to prove
let our DNA show

our hind-brain
another wonderful clue
to all the basic needs
does it best serve you
that reptile in us all
though, it's messed up rather quick
by alcohol

this may be hard for you to grasp
this may be hard for you to take
but our evolution is sure
as a fault like quake

we still are in fact
evolving and growing more
but additional limbs are not
in line for the door

our mind is the new realm
of pushing the limits
and our wonderful brain
has bearly begun to show
what is within it

our frontal lobe
personality of me and you
the beginnings of it's potential
barely seeping through

most recent mass
we have aquired
and it hold
so many uncharted paths
to consciousnesses pushed higher

this box of evolution
we are all in
don't forget it
and let the games begin.


(end with awesome monkey noises :D )


~K

re-invent

Ego crawling forth
it's lacking in taste
holding back the beast
barely wrestling free
unscathed

amazing how
one's patterns change

what does it survive on
what does it thrive on

re-invent
and accept
a new reality

vicarious instances
of a solely observed world
double think

see how
such a small portion
of our selves
creates our personal hell

re-invent
and accept
a new reality
a new reality

temptations lost in time
a forgotten realm
what do we strive to be
in our brainwashed society

delving into the depths
of the human psyche

what does it survive on
what does it thrive on

this ego beast in me
i'll tame the beast
ans set myself free.


~K

This bed (blood,sweat, & tears)

(two updates?!! amazing!! you lucky folks you!)


this bed
it holds all my fears
all i hold dear
is released
in these blood, sweat, and tears

my release
is only found here
in the wake
of my deepest desires
in all that inspire

i'll place you down
protected
by my blood
my sweat
from all that i fear

in my bed
you'll find solace
in what i hold dear
lose yourself
have not a tear

they have all
been shed for you
the blood
already drawn
for you

i took it
in your place
my blood, sweat, and tears
so you have
a last saving grace

fear not
you are in
my scared space
as i have poured
every ounce of my soul
into this bed

to keep me whole
to keep me whole
it keeps me whole
carrying my soul

this bed
this bed of fear
this bed
of what i hold dear
this bed
of blood, sweat, and tears.


~K

Black Out

I wish i could stop thinking
about how i feel like i fucked up
i wish i could stop thinking
about feeling like i've gotten stuck
what the fuck
did i do

this blank hole in my memory
what the fuck did i do
to make you act this way around me
that nervous twitch
was never there before
that long stare into the door
you never avoided my gaze before

what the fuck did i do
between my last memory of you
and waking up alone
what the fuck did i do

to make you put a hole in the wall
i did it again
destroyed another friend
did it by accident i know
only wish i have the memory to show

what i did
so i can fix it
so i can erase it
maybe i never can
and that's why

my mind
already did


~K

feh sappy and potery-ish junk, told you i have been busy with other stuff.

Destroying Myself to be Free

(ahh nothing like a big batch of posts....)

Didn't realize
I couldn't speak my mind
didn't see
the chains over my throat
so used to the weight
pressing down on me

walls of protection
closing in
walls of security
I'm burning within

never realized
I was trapped inside
gotten so used to
living with this doll frame
only mouthing only responding
in ways deemed safe
no wonder this monkey on my back
is beginning to chafe

pressing
burning
chafing
trapped here
pressing
burning
chafing

surrounded by my fears
locked by my mind
designed to protect me
locked by my mind
destroying myself
to be free.


~K

The God on the Outside

the idol stands tall
perfect and poised
can such a tyranny
truly exist
screaming and stamping
beings chained down
most respond without a sound

accepting their fate
wallowing in pools of their creation
praying for another way to be
when the chains
they forgot how to see

pointing at those
who strive to break
it's their fault
that this happened in the first place

never look to themselves
forgetting the three fingers pointing back
the god on the outside
know how to put it all on track

these beings forget the observation
affecting all from within
they forget the feeling
of their own living skin
trying to crawl into another
to remember the sensation
all they find is disappointment

the tryanny
on the outside
those who stive to break
on the outside
god
on the outside

the world out there
all of it moving
along created by
what's within
these beings have forgotten
what's within

~K

Shades of Gray

(sorry for the long wait folks...)

In the lines of time
all fades
falling swiftly back
into another shade
of gray

pushing and struggling
to get through
another day
soundlessly praying

When did it all
lose it's glitter
when did it all
lose it's shine
forgotten now
what we find divine

Drive stifled
motivation
lacking within
only looking for
more ways to lose ourselves
from what may have been

accepting this fate
chained to our rope
sensations lost
of what was hope
who knew that
we would fall into this
who knew that
we would forget out bliss

mantra becoming
we'll try that later
later never comes
and forgetting is easy
all that stays
is shades of gray.

~ K

To a Friend

I can be honest with You
Every thought
Always told
Always true
so Wonderful to have you
But, What Pains do I
put You Through

You Care so Much
and So do I
but we Both Know
that's All that can Ever Fly
Such a Treasure You are To Me
to Allow me a Space to be
perfectly Free

so Sorry I am
for these Tortures
I Know They are There
They are so Easy to See
no matter how much you Try
to Hide Them
so Desperately

Thank You So Much
for What you have Given
to Me
My Debt to You
lives on Indefinitely

I'm Sorry for these Troubles
sorry for the Pains
if i Knew a way to Stop
You would Never Have them Again
but it seems I'm Hooked
To A Wonderful Friend
and now I Wonder
If I'll ever be the same again

I thank you again
With the Depths of my Soul
In Your Allowing me
A Space to be Whole

I am So Weary
That the Price You Pay is too Dear
That my Presence
only causes you Pain
oh how I Fear

Thank you Again
for All You have Done
When That time has Come
When it's all Too Much
When the Line Must be Drawn
because even though you Hide it
I know it's Coming Along

I'm So Sorry
Thank you
I'm So Sorry
Thank You


~K

Giving too Much

I can only Imagine
how this looks to You
I've shown You Too Much
and Soon
You'll come Unglued
the Depths I Carry
tread them lightly indeed
as the Dreams in here
have Barely Taken Seed

This is How I am
Just so you Know
so if it's Too much
Guess that's the end
of the Show
Hope you had Fun
A memory or Two
Maybe one day
You'll Figure out
Where You need to Improve

I realize of course
that I read too Much in
to the Situation
like a Child
Indeed, Eager and Hopeful
having not Taken
Their First Fall
the Terror that Ensues
at the Shock of it All
Giving Too Much
Seems Over Eager of Course
and Soon one Finds
that for Some
it can Be
much too Overwhelming
when it comes, So Easily

We'll See how It Works out
We'll See if It can Change
but Keep in Mind
Nothing Can Ever
Remain The Same
People are, Meant To Change


~K

I forgot

I forgot
It's just Sex
I forgot
It's only Lust
I forgot
There is a reason why
I never Trust

This fleeting heart of mine
moves so fast
I can't see any sign
of where it goes
till it's too late
the Damage is done
another Mistake

I should Sever
the strings
to this beating
Thing
ensure it's Demise
before it Blinds my eyes
Again

I forgot
You've been Everywhere
I forgot
I'm the one who chooses with Care
I Forgot
that I can just be added to the Pile
I forgot
how quickly it All
get's Destroyed

such difficult things
the Emotions are
life would be so much Easier
if I could just
Watch from Afar
stay away and Pretend
that I had Never thought of You
as more then a Friend

I should Freeze
this Thing
pumping my Vitality
Stop it's flow
so Finally
No Emotions would show

I forgot
what this Heart can do
I forgot
for this to Work
that You Need One Too
I forgot
how much it can mean
I forgot
How Much Pain I can Take


~k

Sexual Overtones

( and a third and final one for today, just because it amuses me in it's "relation" to the last post... depending on how your mind works of course...and yes it's another older one, not as old as the last two mind you.)

Everyone likes a song
about sexual overtones
everyone likes to expose
this side they're
not
supposed to have

we pretend it doesn't exist
hidden behind closed doors
though we all know
that we do it
and crave for more

advertising abuses it
religion calls it a sin
such mixed up ideals
who knows where to begin

we want it
we need it
we follow it
but dear god
do not partake in it

awkward conversations
when the topic is breached
a stumbling laugh
covered in a sip of coke

trying not to admit
the "beast" within
we all know it there
and the freedom
of when we
finally give in

we want it
we need it
we follow it
but dear god
do not partake in it

a friendly smile
a backwards glance
mind adrift
in thoughts
deemed unclean
for common man

it will never stop
never fade away
as for this world to continue
it must stay
so tear down the walls
break the rules
allow
those thoughts better reign
and see
where the adventure
leads you too...

~K

Bound & Beautiful

(yea! two updates in one day! scary... Also, another oldie. )

Crawling towards me
on your hands and knees
you are bound and beautiful
bend over backwards
fall on a chair
soon you will feel
that pleasurable despair

gasping for breath
you feel your senses rise
twisted and poised
the aggravation
is bringing you, over the edge

the warmth consumes you
the delusions you enjoy
soon you will fill
that pleasureble void
muscles pulled tight
flesh pulled thin
pushing over the edge
released into your despair

gasping for breath
you feel your senses rise
twisted and poised
the deprivation
is bringing you over the edge

release and collapse
body's falling free
you'll never know
what your pleasure brings to me
consumed and stripped
of your pride
you are begging for more
bound and beautiful
face pressed to the floor

gasping for breath
you feel your senses rise
twisted and poised
the deprivation
is bringing you over the edge

the games we play
you know no other
you want more
and i'll provide
pushing you to the floor

a labored breath
so hard now
the expansion of your chest
you fall not into despair
as you are lacking precious air
your senses rise
twisted and poised
the deprivation
is bring you over the edge

you know you want it
and i'll give it to you
you know you want it
and i'll follow through
feel the release
the release
fall down to your knees
and feel this release


~K

Cutting the Thread

(Happy now Drew? Here's an update for you, it's an old piece, but it's better then nothing. )

Can't get a moments peace
won't give me release
i'll steal some grace
before i throw this back in your face

why did i bother to tell you
i'm so sick of this
i'll get your voice out of my head
because i'm cutting the thread
cutting the thread
getting you out of my head

you had your place
that you know
but now i'm being pushed
prevented, i can't grow
you understand, it happened to you
so you know what i must do

so now i'm cutting the thread
cutting the thread
getting you out of my head
because i'm cutting the thread

(ye-olde rhythm change)

It will make things better you'll see
once you've been severed from me
didn't you know that i can
and that you're leading me to this step by hand

a warm feeling washing over me
as i become closer to being free
cut it out with a knife
ending this time of strife

(/ye-olde rhythm change)

i never wanted to torment you
i never wanted to frustrate you
i will see myself through
getting rid of that connection
tedious task
something i will get through
hope it will be fast
this tension between us
cannot be pushed to last

so i get this voice
out of my head
I. Will. Cut. The . Thread.


~K

Dropping Mind

(this is actually a duet "-" denotes second voice "+" denotes both)

waiting for it to go
-filled with a passion
watching as it grows
- some may say a rage
feeling nothing and all else
- breaking myself, out of this cage
never knowing how it felt
- it's filling me
washing over me
- i will tear it down
this world is gone
- make me whole
watch for the fall
+see me tear it down

+dropping my mind
+can't it just be released
+forgotten soul
+can't i just let go
+who ever said we need be whole
+ let my mind implode
+let this flow through me

lose all the bits
-let go of control
fractured and scarred
-passions fill me
be who you are
-guard will stay in full
no masks, no shame
-mind will be released
never pretending to be
- i will be whole
no other name
-burdens let go
i'll be just fine
+in time

+dropping my mind
+can't it just be released
+forgotten soul
+can't i just let go
+who ever said we need be whole
+ let my mind implode
+let this flow through me

keep this existance
-don't let it go
never forcing to be
-lost control
let flow as it should
- go overboard
be lost
- never held in again
exist as no other
-make amends
be not what you behold
-standing my ground
encompass not their fate
+i will be only me

+dropping my mind
+can't it just be released
+forgotten soul
+can't i just let go
+who ever said we need be whole
+ let my mind implode
+let this flow through me

let me be
as i should
-don't force upon me
what i could
-wonder not
-for a lost chance
be only
that future path
-forget their ignorance
take what you need
be what you are
-be free
+with your integrity

Pieces Fall

lost connections
wires cut
frayed & splayed
witnessing the falling apart
after leaving the thing
to it's own device

they say it's now of never
to put these pieces
back together
gazing across the sky
wondering, will anyone even try

beginning to rust
beginning to fade
the parts are broken
all have lost their shade
forgotten now
what device was once made

they say it's now or never
to put these pieces
back together
searching through the times
no one seems, to have the mind

crumbling to bits
away in a breeze
opportunity lost
misplaced, the time to seize
looking with woe
at things, too few tried to know

things must pass
way's must change
all these lives, too soon
re-arranged

forging the new
connections it seems
are routed in ways
beyond our dreams

let the pieces fall
let the pieces fall

till we've lost it all

let the pieces fall

slipping down
into the void
senses lost
consciousness devoid

changes come
amid this
all encompassing delirium

illuminated within me
blinded, vanished
the traces that decree
how thoughts arise
how things may be

fluidity fills
amid this relm
of sensory overkill

thoughts collide
in the manner of a tide
as finally
consciousness awakened to
things, it is unable, yet
to understand

all aspects of self
in a state of
overflow
evolving to a place where
all reality it,
implodes

to begin again
to develop anew

let the pieces fall

as the change creates
everything

let the pieces fall

just out of view
just out of view

let the pieces fall

just outside of you.

these words

(sorry it is so long between posts, going through some shit and socializing too much)

These words
I'm supposed to be able to describe
these words
i drive myself insane trying to hide

FUCK YOU
to make me feel this way
FUCK YOU
to have me lost this way

My heart is supposed to be dead
my heart is supposed to follow my head

FUCK YOU
to make me feel this way
FUCK YOU
for these games i feel i play

Why can't i say it
why can't i be
True
To the only person
I should be.
FUCKING ME!

FUCK YOU
to make me feel this way
FUCK YOU
and these games i have to play

Why am i scared
why can't i be
this person
that i worked so hard
to finally
be brave enough
to be

FUCK YOU
to make me feel this way
FUCK YOU
to have me lost this way

Just let me be
The person
so many years
so many things
have forced
me to be

every ounce of me
simply striving to be
FUCKING ME
now i'm so scared
i try to hide
what i cannot describe

FUCK YOU
to make me feel this way
FUCK YOU
I drive myself insane trying to hide
FUCK YOU
to have me lost this way
FUCK YOU
for these games i feel i play
FUCK YOU
to make me feel this way

My heart is supposed to be dead
my heart is supposed to follow
MY HEAD

FUCK YOU

i'm supposed to follow my head

fuck you

Fuck.


i think i love you.

Cup of Tea

One so youthful
to be so bold
dangerous they say
yet a beauty to behold
pure temptation
gazes back at me
and truly he is
my delightful cup of tea

a simple swap
who's to know
what changes have taken place
in the world below

pure temptation
gazes back at me
and truly he is
my delightful cup of tea

timeless movement
as you say the words
"now follow me"
i must step back
try to refrain
but to gaze in the eyes of my temptation
it's enough to drive me insane

pure temptation
gazes back at me
and truly he is
my delightful cup of tea

shall i take a sip
dive right in?
who's to know
but me and that devious grin

such a temptation
it's eating at me
such a temptation
my delightful cup of tea

i wonder why
do i not give in
on my side
the only problems i find
are the inner creations
of my own mind

do i let down the wall
let the tea flood in
only one way to find out
let the tasting begin

My Friend

you make me feel
like i'm some sort of bitch
make me re-think my actions
like i had a fit

i'm not two faced
i'm not a whore
you are sending the wrong signals
and then begging for more

what am i supposed to do
when i don't know
what you choose to do
how do i respond
to the snaps
to the verbal whip
when i have no idea
on your reason for it

i'm not two faced
i'm not a whore
you are sending the wrong signals
and then begging for more

parry, joust
another confusing conversation
i'm so lost at what to do
what is our relation?
friends, enemies
tentative truce

any move i make
only seems to cause
the situation
to become more obtuse

the ball is in your court
my friend
know that all i ever wanted
was to make sure
you were doing ok
in the end

Those Who Chose the Sea

(another inspired by VKS dreams)

Everyone has a place to be
the land, the sky, the sea
all our own versions
of how to be free

least of all
do we understand
those who chose the sea
what daemons
what majesty
in those
who chose the sea

appearance of wings
appearance of spots
hidden among
other things

those who sing
song we strive to understand
those who are unable to hide
any emotions
in their multicolored flesh

what daemons
what majesty
we find
in those
who chose the sea

unearthly movements of course
(in) seemingly a relm
of anti gravity
going deeper
morphing shapes
the skeletons emerge
signs of pressure
almost insect disguise
never would imagine
what the shadows hide

such a world
things nearly never known
the most verity
in any place to be
is the realm under the sea

my soul

It's amazing how
i had never realized
how much i had lost
of what was inside

not till i saw you again
till the stinging
over powered my eyes

that i was aware
of how much
of me died

i breathe in your scent
and feel whole
gaze upon you
i found my soul

to feel you
under my fingers
finally no longer
a memory

have you encompass
all of my senses
such a beautiful
bliss for me

oh how i missed you
i didn't even realize
until the tears
began to sting my eyes

i had forgotten
that part of my soul
but now i feel again
how it is to be whole